I finally came around to updating my blog and I thought, heck, I'm gonna take this opportunity to talk about how 2016 has been as a year in general. All the glorious times spent and lessons learnt, most of which I'll hold dearly and implement in the many years to come.
Frankly speaking, it was a tough year but I learnt so much from it, and I would claim without any hesitation that 2016 has been an *amazing* year and despite all the hardships faced, I have grown incredibly as a person from them. So, this is my 2016 in all its raw glory.
Things 2016 taught me :-
1) The only person you owe an explanation to, is yourself. All my life I've always been worried about what people have to say, what they think, whether I would be accepted or not... and basically most of the time, I would spend my hours reflecting over pointless matters that I realised in the long run, don't hold any value. This thought actually hit me when a friend of mine told me, why do you have to be sorry for the things you do, why is it that you have seek justification for every action (s/o to my fam, bread! love you fam.) It struck hard, truth be told. I thought long & hard and realised, oh my fucking god, it doesn't get any more honest than that. I started doing things that I've always to and I realised I was so much more happier, so much more in sync with myself. I was finally in harmony with me, the person I want to be. Thing is, very often so, we don't sail out into new ventures because there's always the "but what would people say" factor holding us back. I say fuck that, you do YOU. Stop being apologetic for living your life based on how you want it. Stop seeking justification for your actions, you did it because you wanted to, not out of mere obligations.
2) Your mental health is AS important as your physical health. If I recall correctly, the first half of the year was a big buzz, I was going on about my daily life without any purpose and meaning, I did things not because I wanted to but because I had to. This took a really bad toll on my mental health, which I had been neglecting throughout the year. I desperately needed a break, but that too I kept depriving myself off of it. I finally came to terms with myself and realised I had hit rock bottom, I was so out of touch with myself, my family, friends and everything around me. I pushed so many people away this year because I thought I was just hurting them, that I'm just sucking them dry off their happiness... and I couldn't be more apologetic for that. That was when I decided that this has gone on for too long and that I really need to do something about myself. Hence, I started a quest. A quest to find myself and restore all those emotions I thought I was devoid of. One thing I learnt from this that I want to share with you guys is that, you can only be happy if you allow yourself to be. I've always thought I was a happy girl, someone who finds joy in the simple things life has to offer and make the most of it but 2016 made me realise that I was living on a lie. I took breaks when I needed them, got out of the house more often, got out of my comfort zone and most importantly, I reached out and put my feelings out there. I can't give enough thanks to my kuchens (Lsa, Yag & Jes), y'all have always been cheering for me from the frontline and just have been such amazing supportive friends, you guys make me want to be the best version of myself. Thank you for our explicit "no such thing as TMI in this group" wala friendship, I can't imagine how different 2016 would have been if y'all didnt play an active role in it. Thank you for being the best friends anyone could ask for, for putting wind in my sails! Reach out if you have to, don't neglect your mental health. If you feel awkward about opening up to people around you, there are actually so many online forums that you can visit as an anonymous person and open up without any hesitation. It is best not to suppress the bottled emotions and not deprive yourself from feelings that often go untold.
3) Find your ground. I don't think I can stress enough on this enough. There have been so many moments when I was just 'going with the flow', unsure of where the fuck exactly life was taking me and tho people romanticise that idea, it's so so so unhealthy. Find a purpose, start living for something and focus all your energy on being a better version of yourself. There have been too many late nights spent bawling my eyes out thinking what the fuck am I doing with my life, I needed to step out of this negative cycle. I started looking for motivation, things that interest me and to gain some perspective on life. I also started talking to people and that truly made me realise how expansive possibilities are, and that the only obstacle is your mindset.
4) Do not disrupt the course of nature, let life happen. Start living in the moment and try to bask in all of it's glory! Reality is malleable, it is what you allow it be. I was so fixated on getting done with the day that I forgot to appreciate the small little things that give us joy. I started implementing the idea of opening my eyes to all that surrounds me and to become a more aware individual. Truthfully? That has helped me heaps, because everything becomes more beautiful and amplified once you start paying attention to the little details. Don't try to rush life, let it take its course and while you're at it, get out there and immerse yourself in all that life has to offer.
5) I'm happiest when I'm growing. I actually got really inspired from a YouTube video I watched; The secret to happiness (Anna Akana) and it just was overwhelming how on point the video was. Being stagnant is actually really detrimental to your health; both mental and physical. Putting myself out there, learning new skills, talking to new people, making friends, getting out of my comfort zone or reading more makes me HAPPY. I broaden my mind and I am not constricted in the small box that is a societal construct. So I told myself... grow into the person you want to see yourself become. I am glad that I have been able to find ways to keep myself occupied and to slowly climb up the ladder of growth. Never stop yourself from venturing and exploring new ideas, do what you have to!
6) I am just in love with the idea of love. Throughout 2016, I've experimented and toyed with the perception of love I keep. I met some people who have left a lasting impression on me but I also met some people who I just let walk all over me and toy with my emotions time and again. I asked myself, how did I allow this to happen? Then it hit me after talking about this issue to a million friends and keeping it at the back of my mind. I am just, in love with the idea of love. Was I getting involved with people because it's pragmatic, because it's convenient or because I just needed validation? All of these thoughts kept bugging me and I finally realised that most of the time I was just so into the idea of being with someone whom I could play out all my necessities and construct scenarios about how perfect we would be as a couple, doing 'relationship goals' things. I was so consummated by that idea that too often I would overlook and ignore all his many negative attributes, not allowing myself to be with someone who actually helps me grow as a person. For now, I am just gonna let go of the idea that someday a guy will make me feel good about myself. Instead, I'll tell myself time and again that nobody is supposed to complete you. You are not a god damn puzzle set, if you are looking for a partner do not romanticise the annoying concept of how someone will bring you flowers and will save you from the evil witch who has locked you in a tower. PLANT YOUR OWN FLOWERS AND FALL BACK ON ALL THE SELF LOVE YOU HAVE GRAINED! Your flowers will bloom and you wouldn't have to ever look for the person who simply blindfolds you from being able to see the possibility that you can actually plant your own flowers and make your own garden. Be your own form of happiness, support and love.
Yet again, 2016 has been nothing short of amazing and to all of those people who have played an active role in my life, THANK YOU SO MUCH. Thank you for never giving up on me and always placing faith in me. It's been a bumpy journey, with the countless ups and downs but this is what kept me alive, I'm growing... and I'm just so glad that I've been able to channel all the energy into things that I enjoy doing and make me happy.
I am so excited for what 2017 holds, I hope to be an even more motivated and happy person.
xo, Jyoti <3
